Good morning, Five Minute Families. Marriage is ordained by God and recognized by society as a foundational function for relationship development. God gives us good gifts. And, in marriage He gives the couple the gifts of companionship, passion, and purpose, to name but a few. Last week we discussed the elements necessary for good companionship, and this week we will be chatting about passion.

Passion is often thought of in one of two ways… an intense emotion or a strong physical relationship. The dictionary definition includes a strong liking or desire as well as defining passion as an object of love, liking, or desire.  Examples include ‘She told the story with passion,’ ‘Learning is my passion,’ or ‘He has passion for sports.’

In marriage, passion is, as Hatfield defined it, “an intense longing for union with another.” The feeling of passion often seems more powerful at the beginning of a relationship. We are enthusiastic to get to know one another, and we will sometimes feign interest in areas that we are not actually interested in. We must remember though that the emotional side of passion is just as fleeting and fickle as any emotion. Passion requires that we intentionally choose to learn, experiment, and enjoy one another just as we choose to learn, experiment, and enjoy hobbies or other interests.

A divorced man once said, “If I had just sat down and had a cup of morning coffee with my ex-wife like she repeatedly but kindly asked, we might still be married today. So, be sure to find your cup of coffee with your spouse.”  My husband and I have had many “coffees” over the years… a sip of his latte (which I despised at the time), learning to play cribbage, watching cooking shows, and more.

So, let’s briefly discuss five thought patterns to adopt to maintain or rebuild passion in your marriage.

First, we must be willing to learn something new together. Sometimes, a husband has his hobbies, and a wife has hers. And, there is nothing wrong with having things you do separately. Still, to improve the passion in your marriage, find something to learn and ENJOY together. This is NOT about forcing one another to do what the other likes. You can try stepping into your spouse’s personal passion, of course, but if you aren’t drawn to that area, then you should be honest and keep looking.

And, that brings us to our next point… You gotta have enthusiasm about trying new things. You don’t have to fake it, but you do need to be enthusiastic for at least the possibly rebirth or deepening of your relationship. You may have a few duds trying to find things to do together before you both feel fully passionate about the same thing. Have a sense of humor about the process, building memories and passion even through the flops.

Another thought to remember about a strong marriage is that even as we seek passion, we need resilience for the process of rebuilding or deepening it. Having flexibility and engaging in active problem solving skills will go a long way to helping each of you regain or deepen the passion between you.

We must think of the gift of passion in marriage as something beyond the physical that can improve the physical. Obviously, what we discussed in the first three points is not about the physical passion in marriage, but we must remember that the Bible refers to physical passion as knowing one another. When we spend time together cultivating a relationship of liking, enjoying, and desiring being together, then the physical side of the relationship is enhanced.

And, the physical. If you and your spouse have gotten away from simply holding hands, hold hands. If you only ever give each other a quick peck outside of intimate times, take some time to give each other a sweet, lasting kiss (and nothing more). Then, MAKE TIME for the physical passion God encourages in marriage. As 1 Corinthians 7 states, “Do not deprive one another” of physical intimacy. We are to honor the marriage with our marriage bed as well just as Hebrews 13:4 addresses. Read Song of Songs, Proverbs 5:19, and Genesis 1:28 if you have any questions about God’s view on the physical passion topic.

The world would have us belief that passion is merely physical, but it is so much more. The union God created between a man and a woman should be celebrated and we should know one another biblically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We may need to spend a bit of time brainstorming ideas or changing up our routines to help regain or deepen our passions for one another, but with intentional intimacy, it is possible. God desires we have strong marriages that bring Him honor and glory. Make wise choices today to bring that about in all areas of your marriage.

Thank you for joining us today. May God guide you as you reach out to one another and become more passionate as the years pass. Be blessed!