TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. As the year marches forward, we turn our thoughts to the past two weeks of devotionals. All families will experience disagreements and disappointments, and even when we work through them well, we all find ourselves needing to forgive to avoid getting stuck in the pain or frustrations of those moments.

You see, family members are our closest neighbors and are often armed with the ability to hurt us the most. Family can learn what will cut – and cut deeply – the quickest. Then, if one person is hurt, he or she may lash out and hurt everyone in the family. Learning to forgive is a vital skill. Matthew tells us in chapter 18 verses 21-22 that when asked how many times we should forgive one another, Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” That’s a lot. But, in a family, it is often a needed prompt.

Hurts run deep, and a family member may have no idea how much they have hurt you. When it is a child hurting the parent, some parents are quick to forgive, but that does not mean we do not hurt. Sometimes, the child was not intending hurt, they were merely childish. Other times, the child was being self-centered, but, again, we parents should desire setting that example of forgiveness.  

In Matthew 6:14-15, the Lord tells us, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” You see, forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling. And as Jim said, parents have to set the example of forgiveness, and, yes, when your children are old enough, it means that you explain the process of forgiveness.

It can begin simply when you teach your child to apologize at an early age. You can have your child say (and of course fill in the blanks), “I am sorry for [blank]. It was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” It is funny how a young child will repeat that phrase “I am sorry for hitting you. It was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” for a number of months or years, depending on the child, and then all of a sudden turn to you one day and say, “what does forgive mean?”

So, what does it mean to forgive? Forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense or mistake. It can also mean to cancel a debt. Secular and Christian psychologists alike “generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”

1.    Acknowledge the hurt or wrong. Psalm 34:18 tells us that “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Look into your heart and mind. Speak with the Lord about your hurts. Journal them or speak calmly with the offender if or when warranted.

2.    Remember how God forgave you. Luke 23:34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

3.    Choose to forgive. Take your thoughts captive to keep from replaying the offense over and over again. How to take our thoughts captive? Identify triggers. Have a plan for replacement thoughts and activities to keep you from heading down that path of replaying offenses.

4.    Begin work to repair the relationship (if needed or desired). We are not God and while we can choose to forgive, forgetting is much harder. A relationship may need counseling and skills training to learn new ways of communication or to learn new coping mechanisms.

5.    Acknowledge the feelings even after the choice. Often, it will take longer for our feelings to match the choice of forgiveness we have made. We must be aware of them and work through the process of forgiveness as often as is necessary.

A final thing to note about forgiving someone is that, no, the person does not have to ask for forgiveness for you to forgive. We are called to forgive whether the person seeks it or not Ephesians 4:32 reminds us of this, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Christ forgave while we were all steeped in our sin and unrepentant.

Thank you for joining us this week. Check us out at clearviewretreat.org and please tell your friends about us! Be blessed!

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