Good morning, five minute families. How often do we hide our emotions as adults, ignore them, and never acknowledge their roots? How often do we try to get our kids to only show their happiness? We have discussed emotions before on the Five Minute Family at the end of 2023 and beginning of 2024. In those past five minute family devotions, we discussed emotions that are shown in the Bible as well as how to demonstrate our emotions in a positive way. Please check those out if you want even more information on how to handle emotions in your five-minute family household.

Previously, we mentioned how feelings should not be our guides. Specifically, “Feelings are a gauge, not a guide.” Along those lines, I recently heard the quote, “All emotion is information.” So, today, we want to dive deeper into how an individual needs to evaluate his or her own emotions as information and how parents can help children learn this skill. Evaluating our emotions and gleaning the information they are telling us are important steps to having healthy family relationships.

If you have any social media account or watch any screen today, you know that there is so much self-care, self-help, trauma-informed, information floating around out there. Some of it is good and helpful, but some of it leads us into so much focus on self that we literally make ourselves our own god. We are not encouraging you to be so self-focused that you idolize self. Remember, James 4:10, Matthew 23:12, and other verses encourage us to humble ourselves. That means we have to focus our “emotion as information” search on, ultimately, how this helps us grow closer to the Lord.

If you or someone in your family needs to do a deep dive into the reasons behind their emotions, here are five ways to get started on building a strong emotional self-control:

Use an emotions wheel. There are numerous ones out there, but sometimes simply saying, “I’m angry” doesn’t really convey the depth of the emotion or the impact it is having on us and our family. An emotions wheel or chart will give you a way to better pinpoint what your emotion is and what it is telling you.

Identify negative patterns. You can do this through charting. Write down what negative behaviors you or your loved one exhibited. Include then the emotions that you or they can identify came before the behavior as well as the situation you were in. If you or your child aren’t able to follow the patterns yourself, help one another. Parents, we somewhat naturally notice patterns in our children’s behavior, but if we cannot see the patterns in our own, we must ask someone else to keep the chart for us (and we have to be open to honesty).

Journal. I know, I know. A lot of people say, but I’m not a writer. Well, ok, then. Be like David and play an instrument, see what different chords you play more often in certain emotional states. If you don’t write or play music, then listen to others’ music. Write down what music makes you feel better and what music causes negative reactions to unfold. Also in the line of journaling, without worrying about making complete sense to someone else, write down single words or phrases that seem to come to your mind often.

Watch others. People watching is more than just a pastime. It is helpful to evaluate emotions that you watch others go through. Of course, it is a bonus if you can have a thoughtful conversation and see if your ideas were correct. In the home, this means that we parents cannot assume what our children’s tones or facial expressions mean. Share what you think or how you interpret them, but then let your child give you feedback on whether you are correct. You could even use the emotional wheel for clarification.

And, last on our list for today… Seek support. Speak with your pastor, mentor, coach, a trusted friend, or possibly even a medical professional. If you feel as if your emotions are out of control, or that you are angry all the time, you may need someone to help you sort through all those emotions and thoughts.

We become better able to take our negative thoughts captive when we properly evaluate the emotions that precede those negative thoughts. The Holy Spirit gives us guidance. Read God’s word daily, and pray continually, especially if someone in your home is having emotional control issues. An angry parent is scary to children and an out-of-control teenager can cause harm to the household needs. So, parents, remember to demonstrate the emotional control process for your children. It is a skill set that is learned.

As always, we are thankful that you joined us today. Clear View Retreat is a nonprofit organization that exists to draw families closer together, so check out our website at clearviewretreat.org and let us know how we can support your family or community. Be blessed!